Pretty and the City 02-01-10

Things Not to Say to a Pretty Boy – Part I

We’ve all done it – made a fool of ourselves in front of a hot guy. And if you haven’t, you probably will when faced with someone who is so beautiful, it makes you feel inadequate. Case in point: for a straight woman in Chicago, venturing into Boystown isn’t always at the top of the priority list. However, when you go to The Chicago Diner for the cake, it becomes a priority. Each week, my friend and I trek to the Diner for the phenomenal desserts.

When we entered on this random Tuesday, expecting to see the usual crowd of trendy vegans, tattooed, dreadlocked patrons and servers, we noticed something remarkable: there were several pretty boys in attendance, one of whom was a waiter. He was tall and lean, his warm eyes accentuated by a slender nose, full lips and a smattering of facial hair. His hands were masculine, and I wondered how they would feel cupped around the back of my neck. I looked at the planes of his face, wanting to dismantle him and tuck these parts away: here, an eyelid. There, a cheekbone. Though he wasn’t our waiter, upon the completion of our meal, he swiped our ticket, looked at me and asked: “What kind of cake did you have?” Note to self: If a pretty boy waiter asks you, “What kind of cake did you have?” do not lean forward coyly and say in your most seductive voice, “Every kind of cake.” It is not attractive, it does not make sense, and you will be looked at like you are special. But, it will result in ten minutes of laughing with your girlfriend.

I watched the way his soft brows knitted together in confusion, his head cocked to one side.

“Carrot cake,” I quickly muttered and averted my gaze.

“Oookay,” he said, and walked away.

“Slick,” my friend laughed, giving me a thumbs-up. The waiter, upon seeing us in a fit of laughter, smiled. In that smile, were a million perfections. Irrationally, I wanted to attack his beautiful mouth. I wanted him to write me a poem.

So, what have we learned? Just because a pretty boy is serving you does not mean you get to act like an imbecile. Keep your wits about you, take a deep breath and when asked a question, have a smart, funny, yet attractive response waiting. When I think of just what kind of response that would be, I will let you know. Until then, keep an eye out. You never know when you will spot a pretty boy, or when he might spot you.